Joke of the day

[TRUCKACTION]

A cowboy, who is visiting Wyoming from Texas, walks into a bar and orders
> three mugs of Bud Light. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out
> of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and
> orders three more.
>
> The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat
> after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
>
> The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona,
> the other is in Colorado. When we all left our home in Texas, we promised
> that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm
> drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."
>
> The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
>
> The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He
> orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
>
> One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice
> and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the
> bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to
> offer my condolences on your loss."
>
> The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes
> and he laughs. "Oh, no, every body's just fine," he explains, "It's just
> that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."
>
> "Hasn't affected either of my brothers though."

[TRUCKACTION]

An older, white-haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his new girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The old man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.' At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000' the jeweler said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.' The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, 'by check.' I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon,' he said. Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man. 'There's no money in that account.' 'I know,' said the old man, 'But let me tell you about my weekend!'

[lilFlip]

An older, white-haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his new girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The old man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.' At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000' the jeweler said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.' The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, 'by check.' I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon,' he said. Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man. 'There's no money in that account.' 'I know,' said the old man, 'But let me tell you about my weekend!'

hahahahahaha, nice.....that my friend is how the game is played....

[TRUCKACTION]

A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does,
his elbow goes into her breast..
They are both quite startled.
The man turns to her and says, 'Ma'am, if your heart is as
soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me...'
She replies, 'If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221.'

[TRUCKACTION]

One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm.
The wife turns over and says 'I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh..'
The husband, rejected, turns over.
A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.
'Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?'

[TRUCKACTION]

Bill worked in a pickle factory.
He had been employed there for a number of years when
he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion.
He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer...

His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist
to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed.
He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own..
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife
could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
'What's wrong, Bill ?' she asked.
'Do you remember that I told you how I had this
tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?'
'Oh, Bill , you didn't' she exclaimed.
'Yes, I did.' he replied.

'My God, Bill , what happened?'
'I got fired.'
' No , Bill . I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?'
'Oh....she got fired too. '

[TRUCKACTION]

A couple had been married for 50 years.
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says,
'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.'
'I know,' the old man said.
'We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago..'
'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.'
Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied,
'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'
'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps.
'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal.

[lowmits89]

hahaha once agian gary has me laughing nobodys got better jokes than gary

[Seko1]

lmao... that was hilerious

[GuhKid]

OH SHIT THAT WAS FUNNY I SPIT OUT MY COFFEEEEEE..................................

[TRUCKACTION]

A woman was in a coma.

She had been in it for months.
Nurses were in her room giving her a bed bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed
that there was a slight response on the monitor whenever she touched her there.

They tried it again and sure enough, there was definite movement. They went to her husband and explained
what happened,telling him,
'As crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick & bring her out of the coma.'

The husband was skeptical, but they assured him that they would close the curtains for privacy.

The husband finally agreed and went into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat
lined, no pulse, no heart rate.

The nurses run back into the room. 'What happened!?' they cried.

The husband said, 'I'm not sure. Maybe she choked.'

[TRUCKACTION]

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life,
between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending
the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John wo n the prize the other night at the pub
with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only
been in there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time
I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

[98integ]

o hell...lmfao that was a good one gary

[lowmits89]

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the
> first class section of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took
> out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered
> for ten to fifteen seconds. Thinking nothing of it, the man
> went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman
> sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered
> violently once more. Assuming that the woman had a cold, the
> man was somewhat curious about the shuddering.
>
> A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again.
> As before, she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body
> shaking even more than before. Unable to restrain his
> curiosity, the man finally turned to the woman and said, "I
> couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times,
> wiped your nose, and then shuddered violently. Are you > okay?"
>
> "I'm sorry if I disturbed you," she replied. "I have a
> very rare medical condition. Whenever I sneeze, I have an
> orgasm."
>
> The man, although more than a bit embarrassed, was still
> curious. "I've never heard of that condition before," he
> said. "Are you taking anything for it?"
>
> The woman nodded. "black pepper."

[TRUCKACTION]

Quickie in the Bushes

There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life.

The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most.'

He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery.

The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.

The angel tells them, 'Um, you have fifteen minutes left, would you care to do it again?' He asks her 'Shall we?' She eagerly replies, 'Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions. This time, I'll hold the pigeon down and you crap on its head.'

---------- NOW WHAT WERE YOU THINKING????